He really thinks on some level if he just lets her spin out, they can eventually enjoy this meal together. But that question catches him off-guard.
"Of course it matters," he scoffs, only realizing after he hears real emotion in his voice that they're not talking about breakfast meats. "To me, it matters to me." What Jessica wants. That's always mattered, no matter how she wants to see his actions in her mind.
It all just feels so flighty to her, and that's partially due to her own insecurities, and her natural reaction to anyone giving a shit about her, but hearing him say all this just... infuriates her. It shouldn't, so that means of course it does.
God, okay, here it goes. This is what he should have said last night, maybe it's easier before he has a chance to really think too hard. Or something? He catches their server's eye and she ducks off to give them a few minutes.
"After... him." Kilgrave, he still can't even say the guy's name. "You didn't ever think about... I mean, I know I was an asshole. I really didn't get it, and now..."
Now he's seen two different women brainwashed right in front of him, he's been a victim, too. He picks at his nails and leans over his cup, appreciating the warmth if nothing else.
"Well, I thought about us a lot after that. I guess I just figured... it was better to let you move on. That having me around would just remind you of-" Everything terrible in the world? Yeah.
Here comes that headache again. It's like the more he talks the more he just feeds into that bitter and resentful part of her. Nothing he can say will satisfy her, she knows this. But she's worked up now, so there was no real solution otherwise.
"And what? You finally decide its a good time to tell me after I just so happen to drunk text you?"
The problem with Jessica is she just doesn't care what other people think, so she's perfectly okay to has this out, right here in this diner.
"I've been here, Luke. I've never stopped being here no matter how much I wished otherwise. And you're right, I don't have a monopoly on self pity, because clearly you have a big piece of it, too. How little do you think of yourself? How could you possibly--"
Her jaw clenches up once more and she looks away from him, upper lip pressing down roughly on her lower lip. Those familiar tears well up in her eyes and she quickly shoots her attention back over to him, so she can just spit it out and hopefully move on to stop the tears.
"How could you think my life would be better without you in it?"
"I'm not perfect, Jessica," he starts, but she's getting really emotional. He doesn't disagree with her, but he's been trying to own up to his mistakes. He wants to start over, but now she's crying. That has to be his fault. Luke doesn't think about it, he's across the table and on her side of the booth in an instant, pulling her into a gentle embrace against his chest. "I never meant to hurt you." He did and he can't change that. She's been here the whole time, but he's here now, it's up to her if she wants to accept that. If that's enough.
She's not in a full-blown dramatic sob or anything, but the fact that she even has tears streaming down her face silently in the first place really annoys the shit out of her. When he comes to pull her against him she's stiff, focusing all her attention on stopping this little outburst.
"But somehow we keep doing it to each other," She wants to make it clear she knows she's not completely innocent in all this. The back of her hand reaches up and wipes away at her cheeks.
She's not shoving him away so he stays close, petting her hair idly and tipping his nose against her forehead.
"Yeah," he agrees, voice scratchy but not without its own depth of emotion. "Maybe that's just what we do." Hurt each other. It doesn't make him any less game to try being in her life again, though. And maybe that says something about him more than her in the end.
"Yeah," she says idly, knowing she at least needs to eat something even if she's in denial about it, still unsure about everything. She's always going to question why people, especially him, willingly want to be around her. Shit, they haven't even ordered their food yet and already she's crying.
Jessica shakes her head softly, swallowing hard. "I know it might seem hard to believe after all this, but... I get it," She nods a little bit, still staring downwards. "Thinking everyone is better off without you. But you're not--I'm not."
It's here she finally allows herself to give into his physical comforts, leaning against him.
It warms him through his chest and even up his throat, nodding against her in silent agreement.
"I'm not." Better off without her. He'd been miserable, lonely, bitter, directionless. He might actually need her and that terrifies him, but he doesn't want to pull away even so. And her rejoinder has a deep laugh rippling against her skin. "Good choice."
Jessica turns her head to look at him, feeling compelled to tell him that she missed him. Instead she just buries her face against him, taking in his scent and letting herself enjoy this moment. Her eyes close.
"Thank you, for not giving up on me," She's always disappointing people or doing the wrong thing with them--him included. The difference is, he's the only one who stuck around. The one who she never deserved in the first place.
She doesn't even want food, but the waitress is cautiously moving towards them after the scene had calmed down. She sighs, reluctantly pulling away.
"Sorry," She says, glancing up to the poor woman while grabbing the menu. "We had a lot of feelings about breakfast meats, I guess." Breathing in through her mouth, she decides on something random. "I'll take the french toast breakfast, eggs scrambled with a side of sausage," Her eyes turn to look at Luke now. "That's what we agreed on, right?"
He just nods, his lips tracing against her brow as he internalizes that. She shouldn't thank him when he'd been too cowardly to reach out, but as their waitress approaches, he returns to his seat with extreme reluctance himself. Jessica's commentary captures a laugh from him, but then he offers their server a sweet smile and his own order, letting her figure out the rest.
"Same, bacon with mine. And orange juice. Please." He hands the menu over before turning his attention back on Jess. "Agree to disagree?"
"You are the absolute worst, you know that?" She replies back to him, without even skipping a beat, narrowing her eyes and shaking her head. She wants to question why she likes him as much as she does, but he knows that she likes his smug, smart ass mouth.
Her hands circle around her coffee and she goes to take a full sip now, it cooling down during their little discussion.
Luke just watches her for a moment, then says: "I had an inkling." Because people tell him all the time, mostly. And yet he's still himself, go figure. "You're still here with me so what's that say about you?"
"Easy, I don't have standards for myself. And that says more about you than anything." Jessica takes another long sip, raising her brows up at him. Clearing her throat a bit after swallowing, she sets the mug back down on the table. "So, what's next? You got some place to be today?"
He thinks about that for a minute but ultimately lets it go.
"The club, tonight." Though he's considering blowing it off, honestly. He suddenly knows what Pops feels like, running a business, and it makes him even more of a hero in Luke's mind. "So... big nope. You?"
"I don't know," She gives a glance out the window, finding it amusing that he's asking her that. As if she wouldn't take the chance to spend the day with him if she could. "Got a few cases I'm working on, but nothing that's too pressing. I might be able to squeeze you in, though. If I feel like it." Jessica tilts her head at him a bit like the brat she is.
He's just making conversation, gosh!! "Well, I understand if you have to work. I should probably actually sleep... at some point." For now he'll just drink this coffee and make another gross face. The waitress comes by with his juice and he couldn't be happier to trade with her even as she refills Jessica's cup and keeps moving.
God. She rolls her eyes. Why are you so desensitized to her sarcasm, Luke?? "Screw work."
Her teasing had backfired on her, but for once she laughs a bit at the irony of it all instead of her usual annoyance. Jessica eyes the waitress as she drops off the juice, silencing herself until she leaves to continue. For the most part she's joking, but she's still trying to figure out where they go from here. "So that's it then? A little drama, a little bacon and then... What, you're gone again?" She picks up her coffee and brings it to her lips once more, that playful smirk still on her face. "Consider me disappointed."
He laughs a little at that, shaking his head as he takes a gulp of juice to cleanse the coffee taste from his mouth. Her brand of sarcasm is definitely different than say, Misty, or anyone he's around daily at this point. It'll take him a bit to get used to her again. He thinks he doesn't mind the idea of being around her long enough to remember.
"Until next time," he says just as lightly, warmth full to the brim in his gaze. "Depends how long it takes for you to miss me again."
Jessica is trying to look so angry with him right now, but it's obvious she's trying to hold back a smile or some kind of laughter after he says that. If he wants her to text her again, big mistake, dude. Her pride will prevent her from doing just about anything. At least until you get her drunk enough. Case in point, this breakfast they're having.
"I think you're underestimating my ability to cut myself off from people."
He just laughs more, setting his glass down and licking his lips.
"Yeah, definitely not." It's been, what? Over a year, almost two, since they last saw one another. "You think I'd let you off the hook that easy, Jones?"
His question is as close to the answer she's been looking for this whole time, so he gets a genuine smile out of her. Reaching for his hand, she grabs hold and squeezes it a little. "I'm just going off of what you're saying."
His hand curls around her wrist as he leans forward towards her a little, god she's cute. He's lowkey mad about it.
"So, does that mean you want to do this?" For real? It's terrifying, but in so many ways overdue. He nods, realizing there's still doubt left in her mind, too. "Where do I sign?"
"Is that how this makes you feel? Like you're signing your life away?" It's bad when she even knows she hasn't smiled this much in a long time. She squeezes a little tighter, to confirm his existence in front of her and to make sure he wasn't going anywhere.
In the moment she's actually incredibly frightened. After Trish, she had pretty much written off the possibility of opening herself up to someone again. Tapping her foot on the ground she turns her attention to their hands, her smile slowly fading. "I'm scared, Luke."
Luke strokes his thumb back and forth across her skin, a steady reminder that no, he doesn't intend to take off. He's not exactly hard to find even if he did, but he realizes Jessica wouldn't follow him. She's expecting him to meet her halfway and at this point, it's more than fair.
"It feels like coming home," he admits, finally unburdening himself by voicing what he's been feeling since he saw her. Unfortunately, the sweet moment is broken up by the arrival of their breakfast. This waitress is a saint tbh.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"Of course it matters," he scoffs, only realizing after he hears real emotion in his voice that they're not talking about breakfast meats. "To me, it matters to me." What Jessica wants. That's always mattered, no matter how she wants to see his actions in her mind.
no subject
"Where exactly is all this coming from?"
no subject
"After... him." Kilgrave, he still can't even say the guy's name. "You didn't ever think about... I mean, I know I was an asshole. I really didn't get it, and now..."
Now he's seen two different women brainwashed right in front of him, he's been a victim, too. He picks at his nails and leans over his cup, appreciating the warmth if nothing else.
"Well, I thought about us a lot after that. I guess I just figured... it was better to let you move on. That having me around would just remind you of-" Everything terrible in the world? Yeah.
no subject
"And what? You finally decide its a good time to tell me after I just so happen to drunk text you?"
The problem with Jessica is she just doesn't care what other people think, so she's perfectly okay to has this out, right here in this diner.
"I've been here, Luke. I've never stopped being here no matter how much I wished otherwise. And you're right, I don't have a monopoly on self pity, because clearly you have a big piece of it, too. How little do you think of yourself? How could you possibly--"
Her jaw clenches up once more and she looks away from him, upper lip pressing down roughly on her lower lip. Those familiar tears well up in her eyes and she quickly shoots her attention back over to him, so she can just spit it out and hopefully move on to stop the tears.
"How could you think my life would be better without you in it?"
no subject
no subject
"But somehow we keep doing it to each other," She wants to make it clear she knows she's not completely innocent in all this. The back of her hand reaches up and wipes away at her cheeks.
no subject
"Yeah," he agrees, voice scratchy but not without its own depth of emotion. "Maybe that's just what we do." Hurt each other. It doesn't make him any less game to try being in her life again, though. And maybe that says something about him more than her in the end.
"Ready to order?"
no subject
Jessica shakes her head softly, swallowing hard. "I know it might seem hard to believe after all this, but... I get it," She nods a little bit, still staring downwards. "Thinking everyone is better off without you. But you're not--I'm not."
It's here she finally allows herself to give into his physical comforts, leaning against him.
"Also, it's sausage."
no subject
"I'm not." Better off without her. He'd been miserable, lonely, bitter, directionless. He might actually need her and that terrifies him, but he doesn't want to pull away even so. And her rejoinder has a deep laugh rippling against her skin. "Good choice."
no subject
"Thank you, for not giving up on me," She's always disappointing people or doing the wrong thing with them--him included. The difference is, he's the only one who stuck around. The one who she never deserved in the first place.
She doesn't even want food, but the waitress is cautiously moving towards them after the scene had calmed down. She sighs, reluctantly pulling away.
"Sorry," She says, glancing up to the poor woman while grabbing the menu. "We had a lot of feelings about breakfast meats, I guess." Breathing in through her mouth, she decides on something random. "I'll take the french toast breakfast, eggs scrambled with a side of sausage," Her eyes turn to look at Luke now. "That's what we agreed on, right?"
no subject
"Same, bacon with mine. And orange juice. Please." He hands the menu over before turning his attention back on Jess. "Agree to disagree?"
no subject
Her hands circle around her coffee and she goes to take a full sip now, it cooling down during their little discussion.
no subject
no subject
no subject
"The club, tonight." Though he's considering blowing it off, honestly. He suddenly knows what Pops feels like, running a business, and it makes him even more of a hero in Luke's mind. "So... big nope. You?"
no subject
no subject
no subject
Her teasing had backfired on her, but for once she laughs a bit at the irony of it all instead of her usual annoyance. Jessica eyes the waitress as she drops off the juice, silencing herself until she leaves to continue. For the most part she's joking, but she's still trying to figure out where they go from here. "So that's it then? A little drama, a little bacon and then... What, you're gone again?" She picks up her coffee and brings it to her lips once more, that playful smirk still on her face. "Consider me disappointed."
now it's my turn to play the 15 icon game
"Until next time," he says just as lightly, warmth full to the brim in his gaze. "Depends how long it takes for you to miss me again."
LMAO SEE IT'S THE WORST /looks at karen
Jessica is trying to look so angry with him right now, but it's obvious she's trying to hold back a smile or some kind of laughter after he says that. If he wants her to text her again, big mistake, dude. Her pride will prevent her from doing just about anything. At least until you get her drunk enough. Case in point, this breakfast they're having.
"I think you're underestimating my ability to cut myself off from people."
looks at her too & sighs
"Yeah, definitely not." It's been, what? Over a year, almost two, since they last saw one another. "You think I'd let you off the hook that easy, Jones?"
no subject
no subject
"So, does that mean you want to do this?" For real? It's terrifying, but in so many ways overdue. He nods, realizing there's still doubt left in her mind, too. "Where do I sign?"
no subject
In the moment she's actually incredibly frightened. After Trish, she had pretty much written off the possibility of opening herself up to someone again. Tapping her foot on the ground she turns her attention to their hands, her smile slowly fading. "I'm scared, Luke."
no subject
"It feels like coming home," he admits, finally unburdening himself by voicing what he's been feeling since he saw her. Unfortunately, the sweet moment is broken up by the arrival of their breakfast. This waitress is a saint tbh.
(no subject)
(no subject)